Thursday, June 11, 2009

Huh? What'd you say? I'm afraid I don't speak whinese

Ziggy's 13, need I say more?

In case you don't know, Whinese (rhymes with Chinese) is the official language of young females everywhere.

Zig mastered it at an early age and was fluent in it by, oh let's say around her 3rd birthday. Most of us are still learning English at that point by my Ziggy's a bright girl, she's been bilingual right from the start.

The funny thing is, they don't even realize they've reverted into their second language, it just happens. There's little cues that trigger it, causing them to speak in this foreign tongue.
Words and phrases like "Because I said so" and "I don't care if Susie's doing it". Or how about "The boy with the mohawk? Oh suuuuurrrre you can go out with him" and of course the simple but ever popular "NO!" In Ziggy's case, just tell her you won't run to McDonald's to get her a McFlurry at 9 p.m. on a school night and see what happens (ask my husband, he'll tell you all about it).

While this is a language of the sisterhood, there is a small percentage of the male population that is able to speak and understand it as well. The major difference? There is a valve connector in the male brain (or some other part of the male anatomy) that disconnects around the same time that their voices change. Amazingly, this causes them to lose all ability to speak Whinese. For some young men however, that very same connector sparks a new connection, one which allows them to not only understand Whinese but also to seek out young women who speak this language, particularly ones with large breasts and pouty lips.

Are you having trouble communicating with your children? Do they revert to Whinese more often than you blink your eyes? Here's a quick tip, an early form of Whinese communication that dates back to the Pilgrims - when your daughter launches headfirst into Whinese and you can no longer make heads or tails of what she's trying to say, gently insert one finger in each of your ears and repeat after me at the top of your lungs "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA"


Doreen said...

Poor Ziggy. How could you not go and get her a McFlurry at 9 PM? Horrible mother, I'm calling social services right now...

TK said...

I tend to be one of those males that doesn't understand and cares even less to hear it. Sorry, I'm a rotten dad I guess

SharonK said...

I am a horrible mother... no McFlurry's, no parties at the girl's house who got caught drinking, no rated R movies. I just ruin ALL her fun!