Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Road Nazi

I am geographically challenged. I have been all my life. It's part of my charm I think, or so I tell myself. My friends think it's funny. It usually takes me many trips before I can actually make it to a destination on my own.

I'm the butt of every one's jokes when they get the call from me. "I'm lost", or "how do I get to that place again?" (even though I've been there two or three times). The conversation goes something like this.

"Hey, how do you get to Macy's in Burlington again?"

"What? You've been there like 3 times already!"

"Yeah, it's me you're talking to"

"Right good point, go Rte 93 to Rte 95 to exit 32A and take a right off the ramp, go a mile and it's on your right, Retard."

So last year, I did what any geographically challenged person should do, and bought a GPS. Problem solved right? Wrong.

I think I'm the only person on the planet who still gets lost even with a GPS. My problem here is that sometimes I don't trust the Road Nazi (that's what I call the voice on my GPS). She's kind of a bitch in her British accent, barking off orders. I can't help it, I have an issue with someone telling me what to do. Don't worry, I'm talking it through with my therapist.

Yesterday was no exception. On my quest for the perfect mascara I was looking for a M.A.C store. I was told by a co-worker that I would find the ultimate mascara there. I looked them up on the web (I've got nothing better to do at work) and found the nearest location. A few towns over, no problem I can go at lunch and be back in an hour.

So I plug the address into my GPS, and the Road Nazi starts demanding that I go straight and in 1.2 miles take exit 40. Sometimes I think she likes to mess with me, because I swear she brought me to the wrong place. She was telling me to take a left on a road that wasn't even a road. It was a strip mall. I turn around, and she says in her condescending tone "recalculating". I hate her.

She kept telling me to go into the strip mall, the mall with NO
M.A.C store. By now, I'm annoyed and have about 20 minutes before I have to get back to work - so I gave up.

When I got back to work I called the
M.A.C store and they gave me directions. Apparently I should have gone right when the Road Nazi told me to go left. So now my GPS is totally playing head games with me.

No wonder I have trust issues.


Little Ms J said...

Oh, don't even get me started, sister. I will have to email you a story I wrote that never made it to blog about a run in I had with a Garmin. I can find my way around most cities walking... put me in a car, however, and I'm a disaster.

SharonK said...

As I'm mostly on the receiving end of those phone calls I say toss the Road Nazi and just take me with you everywhere you go. We may not always find what you're looking for but we'll always have fun trying!

Doreen said...

Little Ms J, my email is, send away! My GPS is a Garmin too, a Nuvi (even the name Nuvi sounds pretentious)Stupid GPS.

Sharon, thankfully most times I am with you. This was one of those rare occasions where I tried to venture out into the world on my own and look what happened!