Thursday, September 3, 2009

Stop! Your Mutton Chops are Tickling Me!

Shave your face. Or don't. Either one... but would you just flipping pick one already???

I have a pretty good memory but for the life of me I can't remember when it became cool to half shave your face. Sort of. Or shave parts of it but not others. Or to shave your mother's name onto your left cheek.

Let me think... I do remember the fu man chu making a comeback. There was this one guy in high school who had one - ONE GUY. And he was the sexy quarterback so it was ok. And cool. And no one even dared to imitate him because he was the quarterback. Oh, and he was sexy. Ok so that was high school and 20 years ago. But a trend this does not start.

In my early 20s there was this other guy, a bartender at a local club. He had a beard and a moustache. Not one or the other but both. And it was trimmed, and neat and well, to be honest, also kinda sexy. It was different and I liked that. Or maybe he was kinda sexy because of the way he danced to "Paradise by the Dashboard Light".

Sometime in my 30s the goatee made a come back. A way-too-big come back. Every single guy you met had one. Yes, every single guy and I'm not even kidding. My brother. My brother-in-law. The guys I dated. The guys I worked with. My mailman, my trashman and I may be wrong but I'm pretty sure I saw Santa Claus sporting a donut ring around his pie hole, too.

I was a sales rep at the time, seeing customers all day, every day - 4 or 5 different companies a day on average. The male clients blurred together. From the controller to the CEO to the guy on the dock. I mean seriously, a guy with dark hair and a big hairy 0 around his mouth, well, they all start to look the same after a while, you know? No offense guys, but could you tell the women apart in the Robert Palmer video? Me neither. So yeah, it was like that for me too. Only worse, because you actually thought you were different. By all looking the same. Huh.

Ok so a few years ago someone got my memo on that because look what you're doing now. Shaved pencil lines down your jawline. Sideburns that are shaped into arrows. Soul patches. Anchors. Chin Curtains. Norris Skippers. Mutton chops.

Note to men: Also not working for me!!!! Do not make designs on your face with hair. There's nothing appealing about this. NO Thing. Trust me. (Except for you guys that I'm friends with that currently host specks and lines of muzzly hair on your face. No really, it works for you.)

A beard? Yes. Clean shaved? Definitely. But prison bars made of hair running vertically over your face? Ummm, seriously????

Thanks to Tracey C for guessing Monday's French tongue twister and choosing today's topic! How'd I do?


Tracy C. said...

YOU rock! Great blog. Of course, I had no doubts.

My vote is to shave them all.

TK said...

I will sometimes grow a "goat" just to P.O. SB or if I want her to do something I will threaten to grow one until she does it