Friday, September 18, 2009

1 + 1 = What?

"You two are great together! So fun!"

"Oh, we're not together."

He blinked. Twice.

"I mean, we're not, you know. A couple."

One eyebrow went up, arching ever so slightly. "Excuse me?"

"I know it seems like it. We get that all the time. But we're not."

"You're not what?"

Uh oh. Here it comes.

Noooo Doreen!!! Don't say it, please don't say it.

She said it.

"You know, we're not gay or anything."

Everywhere we go together someone assumes something. Seriously. I have nothing against being gay. I just don't happen to be. Gay that is. And for the record, neither is Doreen.

Granted we do a lot of "couple-y" things together. We throw parties together. We shop for hot tubs together. We go to church together. And when we're together it's obvious - we like being together.

But does that automatically mean we are together as in "together". No it does not. Clearly.

When I am out with my other Soulsta everyone assumes we are sisters. We look a little bit alike (we both use bottle blonde #4 on our hair). We're both very touchy people and are affectionate with each other. We never stop talking.

However she has a very strong Boston accent and I do not. Not even a hint of a Boston accent. She doesn't tan. I do. My eyes are brown, hers are not.

If you looked just a little bit deeper you'd see we really don't look alike. So therefore you shouldn't assume we are sisters. You might even assume we are gay. But never, never are we asked if we are a couple. Ever.

Granted Doreen is olive skinned and exotic looking. I am not. But why does that not make us sisters? Can't sisters not look alike?

I've seen Doreen's sisters and they don't look alike. Does everyone assume they're all from one big gay commune when they're together? No they do not.

Several years ago, when TK and I were dating we used to go to lunch at this local restaurant a couple of times a week. We would meet there and sit at the bar and usually had the same waitress/bartender. At this point we were dating maybe a year or so.

We are also very affectionate, in a hold-hands-touchy way not in a make-out-at-the-table way.

Did the waitress assume we were a couple? No. She actually asked if we were cousins. Cousins!!!

I asked her why she didn't assume we were dating, or married even. Her response, and I'm not making this up:

"You get along too well to be married to each other."


TK and I were at a concert over the summer and an attractive, older, gray haired man walked by with his arm wrapped around a much, much younger, attractive young woman. TK watches for a moment. Then -

"That's gross. He's way too old for her. He should be ashamed of himself. She's probably after his money anyway."

I watched for a moment too. And then realized they weren't a couple. That was his daughter he was being so affectionate with. We debated it for a few minutes as we stalked followed happened to walk behind them. What do you know? He was her dad!

How is it people make assumptions so quickly, and judge other people's relationships on such limited information?

Two women who get along fantastically well must either be a) lesbians or b) sisters. A man and a woman who get along well must be either a) cousins or b) gross old men preying on the young.

The next time someone asks if Doreen and I are a couple I'm going to tell them we are.

Or that we used to be.

Until one of us had the surgery.

Then I'm going to ask them to guess which one of us it was.

That'll keep them guessing for a while.


Doreen said...

I think the misconception about us comes from me. I might be sending out the wrong vibe. People notice I have a non-sexual crush on you (and let's face it you have one on me too), so they immediately think we're in love. I mean, I do love you but in a non-lesbian way :)

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you were a dude I'd have married you already!!

Doreen said...

PS Great job on the photo - it kinda looks like us. The dark haired girl even looks a little Chinese...

Anonymous said...

I agree with Doreen's first "comment".
Greg Greenway wrote a song one line of which is "love exists in as many ways as there are angles of the sun out on the ocean".
Your love seems like a "Mutually Emotionally Exclusive" kind by which I mean it's a closed loop like a "couple". ... well, the good ones, anyway...

If it were me I'd just say "thanks, we're blessed" and leave it at that... because, you are a couple and you certainly are blessed, too.

TK said...

Did I say "gross" about the old guy...I think what i said was Jeeealous!! As for you two I like the relationship you have because it saves me from having to talk on demand.

Stephanie Faris said...

At least you're women and not guys. Men find that hot. But if it were two guys everyone was assuming were gay, women mark them as "taken."

Robin said...

People are funny aren't they?

But you shouldn't let them and their silly notions get to's not like they are an important factor in your life. Let them think what they will....

Oh and BTW....Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

Have a beautiful weekend

Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

Hilarious! My sons (that were born 15 months apart) look NOTHING alike yet when they were small, people asked if they were twins. Ugh! Anyways, Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest =)