Monday, December 7, 2009

Playing chicken with love

For those who know me, they know that I am very picky. I don't settle and I am a little hesitent with commitment. I've been single on and off for 8 years now. I am very independent and enjoy the freedom that comes with not being part of a couple. I do what I want, when I want and it has worked for me.

I've always hated dating. I get bored easily. I always find something wrong with the guy, and on rare occasions they find something wrong with me...but I know the truth, it's not me - it's really them. I find most men I've met are quite dysfunctional. I'm sorry but a 40 year old man should not be living at home with his mother. Oh and dude, how can you not have a car? It's not like you live in the city. Then of course there are those guys who want a "Friend with Benefits". Sorry pal, I've got enough friends...and the benefits you're offering really aren't all that beneficial. Um, no I don't believe you when you say your separated but are still living in the same house with your wife for financial reasons. Do chicks really believe that line? And if it is true, then seriously man - work it out with your woman or move on but lose my number please. I truly believed that I would never fall in love, that I just wasn't capable of feeling that way about any man.

Then I met Batman. We are going on 5 months now and I'm still amazed at how happy I am. He is everything I've ever wanted or could have hoped for. My friends tell me I'm glowing when they see me. There is a sort of calm feeling when you're in a normal, healthy, functional relationship. All I can say is that this is what Nirvana must be like. The fact is, I love him.

Sharon of course was the first to know, but I have not told him. I have no intentions of telling him first. I can say it here because he has no idea about this blog. My friend Pookie tells me that I should just throw it out there. I keep telling him that I'm not going to say it first. He insists that it needs to be said. He calls me a wuss. He continues to harass me on a daily basis "did you tell him yet?". All I say is that I don't need to tell him, and I'm in no rush. We are happy, things are perfect just the way they are. When he's ready to tell me he will, I know he's crazy about me. He tells me all the time, and for now that is enough.

It's kind of like the game "chicken". Who is going to be the first to flinch? All I know is, it isn't going to be me!

So I've decided to take a little your relationship - who said "I love you" first?


SharonK said...

I agree with Pookie, you know I do! But only because I see you bursting with it and I know you WANT to say it. I say we all get a little wager going, who's going to say it first and when?

And for the record, TK did say it first but also in a "chicken" sort of way... he waited until we were at lunch with his father! When his father wasn't paying attention he leaned over and said "Know what? I love you." Then turned away so I couldn't say it back right away - which I didn't! I'm sure he'll correct me if I'm wrong but I believe he did it that way so that I wouldn't be put in a position to say it back if I wasn't ready.

Btw, I love the couple-y way you talk about Batman, it's so cute!

Kilt Guy said...

Real men say "I love you" first.

Even if it takes more than a month for reciprocation. Even if that month makes you feel you're in stuck in the dream where the toilet has inexplicably been relocated to the living room. At Thanksgiving. At Grandma's house....

Call me old-fashioned, call me chauvinistic, but just as a real man steps first onto a teetering bridge or into murky waters to make sure the way is safe for his lady, so should he be first to plunge into the potentially treacherous realm emanated by those magickal words.

TK said...

Doreen I know you don't like guys that play games so why are you? If you feel it SAY IT!! If he is the type of guy you believe he is then when he replys, that he loves you also, it will be because he does...not just because you said it. BTW SB you are right...I didn't want that uncomfortable pause while you thought about it.

Karls said...

I love that calm, at ease feeling! Had never known it until I met my husband... I was determined I was never going to be the first to say it again (I was always too quick out of the gate and mistook lust and love often - until a long, celebate break from men) so I say do whatever feels right - it's not the words that are important, it's the actions!

Oh and by the way - he said it first, but I was quick to respond!