Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Test

Dear Job Applicants,

Yes, there is a position open.

And I am sure you're well qualified.

But if you want it, I mean really want it, why not read the ad? Well, yes, clearly you read the posting or you wouldn't have applied but I mean the entire job posting.

Yes, the whole thing.

Did you do that?

No. You didn't.

How do I know?

Because I knew I needed to hire someone that paid attention to detail. Someone who wouldn't balk if I, or a client, asked for something that wasn't within your realm of "normal". And you're just not that person. I want someone who does first and questions later. Or doesn't question at all. Know what I miss? Secretaries who get coffee.

I digress.

So if you are job seeking, seriously looking for good, steady employment then for heaven's sake, you should have read the ad!

Don't scramble and run back and try to fix it now. Too late.

You missed one important detail. Perhaps the most important detail. Because if you had included this but not your name I still would have read your resume. See right after the job description and before the benefits? Yes, right there. See that? What does it say?

Please reply via email with Admin/Your Name in the subject line and a resume attached in a Word document. To be considered, your email introduction must include your full name, desired salary, anything about you that stands out, questions you may have, your favorite color and your contact information.

Now you see it, don't you? Include your favorite color.

Because I really want to know you as a person? Nope.

Because I am studying color and the effects it has on the employer/employee relationship? Good guess but not even remotely close.

Because I care that you love purple and that you find it so uplifting and vibrant? Um, no, actually I don't.

By not including it in your email you saved me the trouble of having to read your resume.

Can't follow directions? Skim over information and miss a detail that's not important to you but could be vastly important to someone else? Judge me for asking, will you?

Delete. Delete. Delete.

To be honest I should thank you for not including this trifling bit of information. By not fulfilling my request, I only had to read 40 resumes, instead of 320. Hours I would've spent poring over resumes were instead spent creating mind-numbing spreadsheets. Hmmm... maybe I shouldn't thank you after all.

Come to think of it, yes I will thank you - Job seeker, thank you very much for not paying attention. You've freed up my workday and made my job that much easier.

Sincerely,

The Employer You Won't Be Working For

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Herredonna, aka She Who Got THE JOB Just Cuz She Cared Enuff to Call (about 5 times) to Complyment Chew responds that her favorite color is all shades of purrrrrpill from lightest lilac to sharpest violet.

Hey, lettuce sillybraid the bad reeders for they will neither inherit the earth nor get the jobs!

T. Anne said...

Ah the attentions in the details!! Fun post.

OHN said...

This is outstanding :)

TK said...

And just think of the job app i had to fill out to get her to marry me...these people had it easy and still screwed it up.

Anonymous said...

Bravo! You are speaking for all of the employers that ever had to sift through applications that had no phone number, that had today's date instead of birthdate, and my personal favorite, no name. Really, you forgot to put your name on the app and you really expect an interview?!
Babs Killabeez

SharonKendrew said...

The part I didn't mention is how uncomfortable the phone interviewees were when they were dying to ask me why I asked the question but didn't want to seem rude... thanks for all the comments!

Little Ms J said...

Dude, you sound surprisingly like an agent. That's right. I used an adverb.

Alix said...

ORANGE!

Do I get the job?

Controlling My Chaos said...

Wow. What a great way to screen applicants. I don't need another job, but my favorite color is purple and when I was a secretary, I got coffee.