Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Granny Panties No More

Friends have a way of creeping into your life and settling in where you least expect them.

Kind of like a wedgie.

But in a good way.

And what wedgies are to thongs, friends are to me.

Many years ago, before Hanes invented the "no-ride-up" panties, we had wedgies.




Of global proportion. And don't even get me started on panty lines.

An embarrassing, uncomfortable pandemic among women, the wedgie was one more obstacle we suffered through.

For generations.

In silence.

Until one brave woman tossed aside her granny panties and declared "As God as my witness, I shall pick my bum no more!"

The thong was born.

From adversity is born brilliance. The thong is the preferred panty of wedgie-less women everywhere, overshadowing granny panties 3 to 1.

Thongs have set the standard for my friendships.

Does the friendship fit well?

Is it there when you need it?

Does it provide adequate coverage and complement your life?

Are you sensitive to its care?

Do you wear it well?

And treat it with the delicacy it requires?

Well then, that's a friendship worth wearing.

- sk

Friday, October 22, 2010

The Rope

Ever think about what kind of an employee you have working for you?

Give them some rope.

From my point of view, there are four types of employees.

1 - The Interpreter.

This employee will rise to the challenge. They will do things to this rope you didn't think humanly possible.

None of which remotely resemble what you'd like them to do with the rope.

2 - The Hanger

Enough said?

3 - The OverAchiever

A true star among employees, not only will this employee tie the rope, she will weave it into a hammock. She will purchase more rope, creating a desk, a fax machine and a life-sized portrait of your dog. She will implement a rope-tying seminar for those less fortunate.

She'll write books entitled "Rope Tying for Dummies", "Who Moved My Rope?" and "Me, Myself and The Rope: A Candid Portrayal of Mysteries in the Workplace".

She will win the Nobel Peace Prize for her work. She will dedicate the award to you.

4 - The Evaluator. This employee will gaze at the rope for hours. With hostility. Why is this rope on my desk? Stupid rope. Is this supposed to be my rope? After much rope-staring, he'll inventory nearby other cubicles. Who else has rope? Is their rope bigger?

e'll review his job description. Visit HR. Email counterparts in other departments. Other companies.
He'll start a spreadsheet evaluating the time it will take to tie this rope. How he wouldn't necessarily object to rope-tying. If in fact he is compensated more for it. Assuming of course that there is also a title change.

orporate counsel advises you to remove the rope from his desk.

He'll feel singled out, ostracized from his cubicle counterparts. Mocked and abandoned.
Ultimately he will require paid time off due to rope-stress.

Which type of employee do you have?

What would you do with the rope?