Tuesday, January 18, 2011

What's Not Awesome

Here are some random thoughts on what's not awesome.


Poop.

I don't care who you are. No one thinks poop is awesome.

People who think they are awesome. And are wrong. A.k.a not awesome.

Disappearing Acts.

It doesn't matter if it's a friend, an employee or a dog, disappearing is just not awesome.

Exes.

The only exception to the above rule. Exes = not awesome. Exes who disappear? Totally awesome.

Loading my razor up with toothpaste. That really could've hurt.

My BFF watching me do the above.

Listing charity work on your resume that you didn't actually do. Not only not awesome but really kind of jerky too. Yeah, talking to you DT.

Stupid girls who don't know how awesome Moose is. Stupid girls. Totally not awesome.

Hitting on a pastor's wife. God's going to show you how awesome that was not, buddy.

Whoever spoke the F-bomb in front of my three year old. I will not awesome up the side of your head when I find out who you are.

Parents who let their kids scream, bang spoons and run around in restaurants.

Boy smell. Moms of teenage boys, I have felt your pain.

Miley Cyrus. Hannah Montana was awesome. Miley Cyrus? Not awesome. Unless she put ona few more clothes, acted less hoochie and maybe threw in a few morals.

Reality Shows. Really? Enough already.

The four thousand eight hundred trillion seventy nine million dollars and sixty two cents it takes to keep a teenage girl happy. For six hours.

The Snooki hair thing on a sixty year old. Or a six year old. Either way. Not awesome.

Granny panties. Unless you're, you know, a granny.

Dogs who barf in the middle of the night. Nasty crap that they had no right eating in the first place. On my freshly cleaned carpets. So. Not. Awesome.


So, what's not awesome in your life?

As a side note, this is dedicated to my good friend Woman in Love, who didn't make this list because she is totally awesome... sorry for the wait. Hugs and kisses!

3 comments:

Woman in Love said...

First of all, I love love lovelovelove pooh. Love it. Like a reading of what's goin on in deer. And, since I'm in total love with myself, it's another map of me!

I am, truly, a woman in love with her life ....mostly... so there are, I admit, some things which are NOT awesome....

rudeness - one of the main reasons I avoid the human race & totally not awesome

other places it is often awe inspiring but ice & snow on roads, walkways, driveways & steps - very, very scary & not awesome

pain & suffering in its various forms - loneliness, cold, hunger - all of it - NOT awesome

cruelty not awesome

stupid girls who don't think Moose is the catch he clearly is - not awesome and I write that for ALL the Moose and Mice out there passed over by stupid people

also not awesome all the people who remain in bad relationships for whatever reason wasting their lives while Moose and Mice ...well, see above

unappreciation - not awesome

pouring the last cream into coffee & having it curdle (which happened to me last week and was COMPLETELY NOT AWESOME AND MADE ME CRY!)

believing you have to change to be "good enough" (hey, I hear people talk - this isn't about me, believe me) that is not awesome...unless you're a jerk in which case you might wanna change to become more awesome....

people who try to make you feel less than - NOT awesome

But She Who Writes ME Blogs & cats who kiss the closed eyelids of Their Child - now that mah friends is not only awesome it was awwwwsome.

Anonymous said...

And the list could go on and on....But you're awesome!
Great blog

Little Ms J said...

Hm. Not awesome? I warn you. I'm kind of cranky.

1. People who don't answer your emails, leaving you to assume non-response was your answer. Pansy ass bitches.

2. Girlfriends who don't want to be bothered with things like helping plan a baby shower, although they act like they do, but then when you ask for help they... ahem... non-respond.

3. People who text back "Yea" when you ask them if they got the email that they non-responded to with no further explanation. Or email.

4. People who wake you up from naps when you're pregnant to be assholes.

I think that's good for now.